What is the Sikh attitude towards masturbation?
Lust or uncontrolled sexual desire is one of the five evils that Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji warns us about time and time again. Masturbation, also referred to as Self-Sex, involves lustful thoughts that inspires or encourages more sexual thoughts and acts, and is therefore not appropriate for a Sikh to engage in. This is mostly seen in adolescence period as they want to satisfy their sexual needs. It is for self pleasure (sexual pleasure using with own or others hands or objects).
In the Sikh way of life masturbation is not considered an acceptable option for quenching physical desire. The Sikh of the Guru has the best option to search for and find the TRUE source of satisfaction and fulfilment in life. Master your mind at this age and you will master the world while quite young.
Guru Gobind Singh Ji says:
ਖਾਲਸਾ ਸੋਇ ਕਰੇ ਨਿਤ ਜੰਗ ।
"The Khalsa is the one who daily engages in battle (with their internal enemies, i.e. the five vices)"
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji says:
ਇਸੁ ਤਨ ਮਨ ਮਧੇ ਮਦਨ ਚੋਰ ॥ ਜਿਨਿ ਗਿਆਨ ਰਤਨੁ ਹਿਰਿ ਲੀਨ ਮੋਰ ॥
ਮੈ ਅਨਾਥੁ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕਹਉ ਕਾਹਿ ॥ ਕੋ ਕੋ ਨ ਬਿਗੂਤੋ ਮੈ ਕੋ ਆਹਿ ॥੧॥
"(As a consequence of my fickle mind, now) within the body and mind are thieves like sexual desire, which has stolen my jewel of spiritual wisdom. I am a poor orphan, O God; unto whom should I complain? Who has not been ruined by sexual desire? What am I? ||1||"
(Ang 1194)
No matter what your age or situation, a good way to control your sexual energy is by doing a lot of physical exercise. You need to sweat, sweat, sweat. Run, play soccer, basketball, cricket - what ever sport you like. Long cold showers are also good for transmitting sexual energy, and they are great for the nervous system. Do something creative, like painting, writing, or cycling - what ever you like! The important thing is to use some discipline. Do the above things on a regular basis and if you are spontaneously hit with sexual desires, instead of reaching for the computer, go do something I mentioned above. If you are serious about wanting to control this energy, then you will have to discipline yourself into helping yourself.
MEDICAL SIDE-EFFECTS
According to science, practising masturbation makes one weak and can lead to both psychological and physiological imbalances. Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/ parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry when one excessively practices masturbation.
The side effects of such changes to the body include:
* Fatigue
* Feeling tired all the time
* Lower back pain
* Stress / Anxiety
* Thinning hair / Hair Loss
* Soft / Weak Erection
* Premature Ejaculation
* Eye floaters or fuzzy vision
* Groin / Testicular Pain
* Peyronie's disease
* Pain or cramp in the pelvic cavity or/and tail bone
Through constant Ardaas (prayer) asking for God's help & blessings along with Japping Naam (meditating on God's Name) and keeping company of the Saadh Sangat (the company of the Holy) the five thieves (lust, anger, greed, attachment and ego) run away. In addition cold showers, heavy exercise, altering one's diet, and limiting the sources of your visual stimulation help to control Kaam (sexual desires).
Gurbani says:
"Gauree, Fifth Mehl: Save me, O My Father God. I am worthless and without virtue; all virtues are Yours. ||1||Pause|| The five vicious thieves (lust, anger, greed, attachment and ego) are assaulting my poor being; save me, O Savior Lord! They are tormenting and torturing me. I have come, seeking Your Sanctuary. ||1|| Trying all sorts of things (to save myself from these five vicious thieves), I have grown weary, but still, they will not leave me alone. But I have heard that they can be rooted out, in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy; and so I seek their Shelter. ||2|| In their Mercy, I have met Your Saints, and from them I have obtained satisfaction. The Saints have given me the Mantra which makes one Fearless (against the five vicious thieves), and now I practice the Word of the Guru's Shabad in my life. ||3|| (As a result of the spiritual peace giving Bani) I have now conquered those terrible evil-doers, and my speech is now sweet and sublime. Says Nanak! (now) the Divine Light has dawned within my mind; I have obtained that state of Nirvaanaa where no desire can effect me. ||4||4||125||"
(Ang 205)
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GENERAL SELF-CONTROL GUIDANCE FOR MASTURBATION
1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
2. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
3. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
4. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
5. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
6. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.
7. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read Gurbani and translations, read good books about the life of good Gursikhs and read about Sikh history. Morning, evening and bedtime, make it a routine to read Nitnem, and also read or listen to Gurbani during the day to keep the mind uplifted and occupied with the divine sound.
8. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of Gurbani, pray for humanity etc, but keep the problem out of your mind by not mentioning it ever -- not in conversation with others, not in your prayers. Keep it out of your mind!
The attitude of a person toward his problem has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behaviour, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.
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SUGGESTIONS
1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of Naam, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest.
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell WAHEGURU to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Bani or Paath (Mool Mantar, Japji Sahib, Chaupai Sahib or Sukhmani Sahib etc) or sing a Shabad. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation. Remember Guru Ji's words:
ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ ॥
ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ ॥੧॥
"For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days. For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||
(Ang 403)
5. Change in behaviour and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations. Maintain your Sikhi Saroop and wear the 5 Ks. Look and focus on your Kara, Kirpan or looking in the mirror at your Sikhi Saroop to remind you that you are the son or daughter of Guru Gobind Singh Ji and what character the Guru expects from us.
6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your seva, simran, sangat, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be in the company of good people and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Avoid Sangat, company, with those who talk or act in ways that promote lust and sexual desires or stimulation.
8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a Gurbani, reading a Sikhi book, going to the Gurdwara and doing seva, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, colour the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.
11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.
12. Wear a Kachhera at all times including the shower. As per Gur Maryada, when putting on a fresh Kachhera, take one leg out and put the other leg in, etc. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool or cold brief showers.
13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.
17. Avoid people, situations, television programmes or commercials, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
18. If you an Amrithdhari, then hold on to your Kirpan with both hands when going to sleep and keep thinking of the commitment to a higher principled way of life.
19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.
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